HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Meeting relatives from another state drenched in tequila and smelling of weed. I'm gonna kill you for soaking the only bra I brought in Jose Cuervo Gold.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
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