how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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