I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
