she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
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We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
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New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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