I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
