Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
Randomize
