Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
I'm lost and stupid without you.
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Randomize
