Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
