Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
