I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
