some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
