I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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