Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
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What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
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