dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize