I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
