five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
So vagazzling was a success
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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