I'm going to jail i love you
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
