I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
