When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
