I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I'm sobbing to NWA
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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