Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
