My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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