i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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