Just mADE A PArabola og urine
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
