Nicole vs. Life
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
