he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
