where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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