Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Randomize
