Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
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You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'm just crazy horny about you
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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