So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
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