this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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