So drunk its hurt
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
