i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
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