I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
He ate a Doritos taco from my boobs. Does your boyfriend do that?
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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