You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
