is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
