is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
where are you?
Hypothermia
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
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