Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Randomize
