I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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