A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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