At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Randomize
