Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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