I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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