Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
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