What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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