Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
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