I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
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Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
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We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize