I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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