If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
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