then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
