I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
