I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
Randomize
