So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
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