It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Randomize
