OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
