He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Randomize
