i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
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