so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Did we literally take a cab across the street
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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