I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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