I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
We left the knife in your bed.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
Randomize
