for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
