You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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