Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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