I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
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