Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
