Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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