38 yer olds are good kisserssss
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
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