He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just found puke in my bra..
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
