I'm so fucking centered right now
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
If I brought two seashells to Lowe's, do you think that they'd drill two holes in each shell for me? I need to be a mermaid on Saturday...
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Randomize
