i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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