I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
