So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
