I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
