Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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