grandma shit on top of the toilet
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
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