i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Congratulations! We have a period
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