I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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