The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Randomize
