she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize
