So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize