Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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