drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
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I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
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