I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
