Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
