the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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