dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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