I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I got her a Nickelback box set.
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please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
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His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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