Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
